I had a chance to sit down with Business and Marketing Consultant Aaron Cruikshank to talk about something dear to his heart. Aaron was adopted as a little baby. When he in his mid-30s, he began a quest to find his birth mother. This inspirational story allowed me to understand the internal turmoils that many adoptees have knowing that someone had given them up for adoption. In this inspirational video interview, Aaron spoke about the first time he met his birth mother and the one thing he wanted his birth mother to know. This was a emotional interview that brought both Aaron and I to tears:
I don’t have strong opinions about abortions but this interview made me think about all the amazing women out there who chose to bring life into the world even if they could not care for the baby and have the courage of giving their own babies up for adoption — giving people a chance to have a great life, to be useful to society, and to become amazing parents themselves. At the time of this writing, Aaron’s birth mom and parents are about to meet for the first time. This was a very beautiful story that came full circle in the end.
This is a continuation from my previous post called the Consequences of Trying to Spoil My Kids where I spoke about the lessons I learned from trying too hard to spoil my children. In this video, my seven year old son tells me how much candy and chocolate I should be spoiling him with:
You Can’t Always Give Kids Everything They Want:
My parenting adventure continues with this funny story about my parenting insights.
Cedric really wanted to go on a real train ride for a very long time. He bugs me about it from time to time. In order to do this for him, I need to take him on a 45 minutes Skytrain ride downtown during rush hour, then I need to hop on the Westcoast Express, then I needed to get my husband Dobes to come drive us home from the train station which is 25 minutes from our house during rush hour, all for a 20 min train ride. Watch this video and see what happened to our little adventure and what I learned from this:
Today Dante had a small skating competition in his class. Prior to going to the competition I asked him if he wanted to tidy his hair with gel or wear something nice for the competition and he said, “Who cares? It’s not important.”
We showed up at the rink and most of the kids were dressed up. One fellow classmate was a boy around 9 years of age wearing slacks, dress shirt, and a pink vest. I walked over to his mother commenting how beautifully dressed he was and his mother said, “He didn’t want to dress up. He said that this competition is not important and it is not important for him to dress up.”
“What did you say to him about that?” I asked, feeling intrigued about the similarity of our situations.”
“I told him that it is important to ME that he dresses up for this competition.” The proud mom said.
Interestingly, this boy won two medals and Dante won none.
After the medal ceremony, Dante said to me, “Mommy, I didn’t get a medal.”
“I know, you said it wasn’t important…” I said.
“Mommy, where do they get the medals?” Dante asked.
“I don’t know, there is probably a medal shop somewhere.” I said.
“Can we go buy a medal?” He asked with a sly smile on his face.
“You can buy a medal if you want but normally medals are ‘earned'”. I said.
I thought it was interesting that both Dante and his skating friend did not view the competition as important and both didn’t want to dress up. One mother forced her son to dress up and one mother didn’t. I start to wonder if this is where it starts — how a child learns what is “Important” and what isn’t. How did we decide what is important in life? People are often stressed about different things in life. Some of the more common things people stressed about and strive for are: good education, good jobs, good career, have money in the bank, get married & have kids, live in a big house…etc.
Does it start with a conversation similar to the ones I’ve had with Dante? The parents, teachers, and other caregivers instill what they thought was important and the child adopted the will of the adults as something they should also view as important.
Gradually, they grow up stressing about how they look, how many medals they get, what color are the medals and placements, how good their grades are compared to others, how great of a “job” they could get in life, how big of a house they can live in, how hot of a wife they can marry…etc
Dante taught me an important lesson today, he taught me what was “unimportant”. Life goes on long after the medal ceremony…whether you win a medal or not.
I have been receiving guidance from my inner wisdom that I can benefit people by showing them who I truly am. However, I find it hard to be myself and show people who I truly am. This is especially so in public.
So to get over my fears, I decided to film a video of myself in public at a park! My hair was a mess, my cheeks look chubby (or they are actually chubby). I could think about all these different ways of judging myself.
This inspirational story had a very funny and surprising twist to it at the end. Nature really brings us a lot of “lessons”.